Drug and Alcohol Addiction Recovery is Bad for Relationships
The other day we posted about how relationships can hurt drug and alcohol addiction recovery. You get too involved in the relationship and stop focusing on what you need to do to get better and end up relapsing. Or you break up and you end up relapsing. Not good.
But someone pointed out to me that it’s not just the drug and alcohol addiction treatment and recovery that suffers; the relationship suffers, too. This is true. If you’ve ever been an addict in a relationship whether or not that person was an addict too or been with someone who was an addict, whether or not you were, then you know. Drug and alcohol addiction kills relationships, but drug and alcohol addiction recovery is bad for relationships as well.
New Relationships and Drug Addiction Treatment
Maybe you met each other at a meeting. Or maybe this is someone you knew when you were actively using, and you ran into each other and realized that you’re both doing well at the same time. Either way, there’s an attraction, a spark. You decided to follow through. Maybe not overtly-no one formally asked the other one out-but you ended up hanging out, getting coffee, et cetera. And soon it’s clear that there’s a romance happening.
The amount of clean time that either person has may or may not be a factor, since people who have been clean for five or 15 years are just as prone to relapse behind a relationship just like anyone else. If you’re new to recovery, handling the heavy emotions that come with relationships without drugs and alcohol as a buffer is a new concept. The emotional stress associated may be too much to handle and if you’re new to recovery, there are likely a dozen more productive and positive ways to spend your time that will build up your recovery and not risk tearing it down.
Old Relationships and Drug Addiction Treatment
Maybe you two used to use together, and now want to get clean together. Maybe your partner never used more than recreationally and you’re getting clean on your own. Either way, your choice to go through drug and alcohol addiction treatment has to be one that you make for yourself because, invariably, no matter how much you love your partner, the two of you will have issues during your drug addiction treatment due to the high stress and emotions that characterize recovery. Plus, more than likely, your partner won’t be shy about letting you know-repeatedly-everything you did to hurt him or her while you were using. It can be discouraging and even depressing to stay in the relationship, but during drug and alcohol treatment, it may also feel like the safest port available to you.
Your Lover is Not Your Doctor
Or your sponsor. Or your shrink. Or your priest. Or your parent. It’s hard to find the line of appropriate emotional sharing, especially when both drug treatment and a new relationship present you with such raw unfamiliar emotions. Do you just not tell your partner when you feel like drinking or getting high? What if you go to the same 12 step meetings? Know the same people? Will your partner’s response trigger resentment in you? Or something worse, like feelings of inadequacy?
What do you think? Do new relationships have a shot during drug and alcohol addiction treatment and recovery? Can old relationships survive the transition?
