Kids Growing Up With Alcoholic Parents
Kids have plenty to deal with growing up – social pressures, school expectations, adjusting to life changes, and staying healthy. Living with an alcoholic can throw a kid’s life upside down, changing the way they view their priorities. A child’s emotional security and stability is one of the cornerstones of development. When this is threatened or compromised, a child grows up with a skewed viewpoint about themselves and the world around them.
Focus Shifts To Addiction Not Family’s Needs
A family environment ought to be a safe cocoon where children feel free to be themselves but can also expect appropriate boundaries and guidance from adults. With an addiction, the entire focus of the family shifts from child-friendly to addiction-surviving. The addiction becomes the hub of the family, and all choices revolve around how the addiction functions.
For example, the non-addicted spouse may do lots of behind-the-scenes shuffling to keep the kids away from the addicted parent at certain times because they are likely to be using. Instead of having loving attention from both parents, they are given much more from one and very little from the other. It may just seem simpler to mold the kids’ lives around the addicted parent, making sure everyone’s quiet and not disturbing him or her.
In this case, the parent’s need to stay addicted trumps the child’s need for contact with the parent. A family not prepared for the honesty of addiction recovery chooses to work around the addict rather than confront them. This means the kids are taught an unspoken rule that honesty doesn’t work. Keeping up the facade takes precidence over the needs of the family.
Kids Cope With Addiction However They Can
Because nobody is dealing with the honesty of the addiction, kids need to do something to relieve the pressure. They are expected to keep up the facade, keep any secrets, and not make any waves. Whatever emotional suffering they incur is just part of the deal.
As you could guess, this kind of environment goes completely against the concept of an emotionally and physically safe cocoon as mentioned earlier. Kids don’t focus on their own growing up because they are too occupied with surviving each day. Will their dad threaten to beat their head in if they aren’t quiet? Will their mom sleep all day long again? Will anyone be there to cook supper tonight when dad’s at work?
Some kids become overachievers, both to keep themselves distracted and to keep a good name on the family. Others become the black sheep, spilling the beans about the family and distancing themselves to keep away from the chaos. And unfortunately, a certain number of kids eventually turn to drugs or alcohol themselves. These kids may have hated the substances for what they have done to their mom or dad. But they may feel like drugs and alcohol might be the only thing to really dull the pain of their daily life.
Kids Dealing With Addiction In Their Homes
The sad reality is that kids have very little choice where and with whom they grow up. They rely on adults for protection, transportation, and covering their basic needs. When this gets out of balance, so does the rest of their life. The kids need the parent’s sobriety at least as much as the parent does.
