NHL Enforcer Todd Fedoruk Rebounds from Drug Addiction and Abuse
Todd Fedoruk, NHL enforcer, recently opened up about his long struggle with alcohol, cocaine, and marijuana – a struggle characterized by major relapses and multiple trips to drug rehab. After the last relapse, Fedoruk talks about the revelation and people that led him to make real changes in his life, changes that helped him to leave drugs and alcohol behind and get back to what he loves most: hockey.
Describing the final days of his active addiction, Fedoruk says: “I didn’t want to drive anywhere because I was loaded,” he said. “I couldn’t stay in the house because I was paranoid. All the insanity came back. I knew everything was coming to an end. I didn’t care about hockey anymore. I didn’t care about my family. I was struck with this feeling of, how the hell did I get back here after everything I’ve been though? How the hell did I get back in this position again?”
According to him, Fedoruk got back into addictive drug and alcohol abuse after more than six years of abstinence – proving that no matter how long you’ve been in recovery, there is always a risk of relapse. He made friends with another hockey player, Derek Boogard, and the two hit it off as hard as they fought when they first met, and had one deadly vice in common: drug abuse and addictive behavior.
Says Fedoruk: “I don’t think we were good for each other. We had a common ‘misery loves company’ type of relationship. I remember always talking to him about being careful. But it was the pot calling the kettle black because I was messed up, too.”
Unfortunately, Boogaard ended up dying when he mixed oxycodone and alcohol. Boogaard’s death was a wakeup call for Fedoruk. He knew he was doing the same things and had the same risk of ending up following in Boogaard’s footsteps.
Why is he sharing his story now? Fedoruk says he doesn’t want to keep secrets any longer and he hopes that his struggles will help prevent another player from meeting Boogaard’s fate.
Fedoruk says: “There is help out there. There is a way out. It’s just getting to the point where you can say, all right, I give up. I’m done. I don’t want to fight this fight anymore.”
How does Fedoruk fill his down time now, when he’s not playing hockey? In addition to spending time with his wife and three children, he maintains a close circle of friends who are also clean and sober. He also goes to church often. He works on staying healthy and knows that it’s a daily struggle to avoid falling into old behavior patterns: “I don’t want to relapse again. I know that much.”
Wow, much like my husband’s story…we have been married 20 years and last week filed for a divorce because he has relapsed AGAIN on crack. He just got out of a 6 month rehab only to go back to it after 8 weeks. I can’t believe it. We have four boys together, and I just don’t understand. I have never done any drugs, and wish things was so different. I have lost all hope that he will ever be clean again. Since I left 4 months ago, he hasn’t done one thing to change….