Why Do Women Hide Their Alcoholism?
The 1950′s portrait hangs in the living room. It was painted by an artist, following instruction to transpose a family photograph into an acrylic masterpiece. In the painting, mother is dressed in a floor-length dress that cinches at the svelte waist she refuses dessert in order to maintain. She wears a bonnet, framing her feminine features. Her eyelashes appear to jump out of the painting, revealing bright blue eyes that sparkle with luminosity. Her husband sits precariously next to her on the brown cloth couch — dressed in a gray suit,. Two children are placed on either side of the middle-aged couple, smiling for the photographer.
How differently the unspoken volumes of this painting would reflect if the wife, mother of two young children, and sister -were to come forward with the truth about her alcoholism? What if she stopped hiding bottles of liquor around the house, in ceiling tiles and behind toilets. Free to experience her mental illness in its authentic state, she subsequently sat with the family as she desired, double fisting glasses of Chardonnay.
If the photograph was in high-definition, modern-day digital form, would we suspect she needed professional help? Her broken capillaries and dented spirit would have certainly penetrated the lens.
Female alcoholics have had a tough time fighting the stigma against their demographic. Although modern-day alcoholics are far better off than their 1920′s predecessors, they often remain active in their disease as a byproduct of shame. The inability to expose the reality of their alcoholism keeps them drinking secretly -alone — and at odd hours of the day. Take the aforementioned woman painted in the 1920′s portrait. Maybe she chose to keep a perpetual souvenir of her family’s existence through the medium of paints, rather than photography, in an effort to skew reality. By swapping photography for paint, she could further bend the perception of herself -and her family. After all, she had grown accustomed to pretending to be fine, when really she was suffering tremendous amounts of inner pain.
Thankfully for women battling alcoholism, the stigma has been lifted -to a tolerable degree. However, many women continue to hide their drinking habit in an effort to save face. They feel they must live up to societal expectations. A typical homemaker believes that she must be a good mother, raise her children with values and morals, and have dinner ready for her hard-working husband upon his return home from the office.
Sound too 1950′s for your taste? Unfortunately, such expectations often do linger in modern-day family systems, leaving a bitter taste in the female alcoholic’s mouth.
The husband who works a 9-5 job, with a hefty salary to boot, takes pride in the fact that his wife can stay home with the children during the weekdays. He enjoys living vicariously through the mobile uploads his wife posts online for him to view.
In a recent New York Times article, Dr. Petros Levounis, director of the Addiction Institute of New York at St. Luke’s-Roosevelt Hospital Center, speaks up about the link between women and hidden substance abuse problems. “Because [women] hide it more often, frequently drinking alone, the problem is not only harder to spot but more acute when it is discovered. Women are often deprived of the normal red flags that the rest of the population enjoys.” He continues, “Men who work 9 to 5, they often come home late, and sloppy, and people notice. They may lose a job, but their lives are saved.” In other words, family members of alcoholic men pick up on their drinking problem, resulting in a positive outcome for all parties involved. The man who shows signs of alcoholism gives his family the gift of insight. Thereafter, his wife and daughter use the knowledge to their advantage. They stage an intervention, encouraging their beloved alcoholic to seek treatment for his disease.
The working husband of the homemaking, alcoholic mother appreciates his capacity to. In the event that her battle with alcoholism is revealed, she is worried the family will fall apart. She will disappoint her husband, herself, but most of all -her kids.
What many practicing alcoholics do not realize -as a byproduct of their denial — is that their intoxicated state prohibits them from being the mother they would otherwise be. Their passions, livelihood, and physical endurance are compromised. Constantly floating in and out of an inebriated state of mind wreaks havoc on an active alcoholic’s body and soul. If only women were not hindered by society’s expectations rooted in gender, they could come forward about their inner struggles.
Alcoholism is a mental illness that deserves professional attention. Left untreated, it leads victims to three possible outcomes -incarceration, institutions, or death.
We hope that continued education and awareness related to alcoholism will motivate some women to pop out of the booze closet. Female alcoholics can emerge — in all their brokenness — with a renowned sense of strength. When an alcoholic understands that he or she is not alone, this often serves as the first step toward long-term abstinence. Would it be self-indulgent to admit that I hope even one blog reader finds the courage to verbalize her disease in between the lines of this article?
